Vanity of the Hardened Heart

The ache of the past

mankind does ignore
calling folly and fool
to they who do not overcome.

When it is felt wrapping around the chest
strangling the neck
tightening the face
gritting the teeth
coursing trails to fingers
of sorrow

Do we not remember?

Those days of lost hope
do not hold an empty cup
for the soul
it is the clothing of our spirit
the armour of our eyes
and the mountains of our heart

It is not secret to the life within
nor can it be escaped by denial
without lies
such a curse would one put upon themselves
turning away from their challenge

He who ignores his past has buried himself
and she who denies her past has lost herself

All that we have been given
unto our great friend
is also our sorrow
and the measuring rod
that displays our nature
before the Hosts of Heaven

I shall not give up one moment
of my life
Nor will I deny one second
of my experience
nor shall I devalue my past horror
as the frightened spirits and soothsaying prophets do

They would have you look to a fruitless future
forgetting the gifts and lessons of your life
for the purchase of their lesson of idiocy and ridicule of nature.

They would have you stand only with them
in their moment
forsaking your moment
before and after.

Once I was 5 and I knew the things of a 5 year old
and I loved my Mother and Father
and looked up to my brother and sister

Once I was 10 and I knew the things of a 10 year old
and I loved the journey ahead
and dreamed of heroes and villains

Once I was 15 and I knew the things of a 15 year old
and I loved the way of females
and i dreamed of making a life with them

Once i was 20 and I knew the things of a 20 year old
and I loved music and freedom
and I created music and set out to ruin my life

I have built and destroyed my life many times
Life has built me up and torn me down many times
people have built me up and torn me down many times
and it shall all again

I have purposely played the fool before the arrogant
and I have purposely let the kind know my hidden talents
I have purposely hated the self righteous
until my own self-righteousness was greater than theirs
bringing hatred upon myself to myself

I have purposely played the victim and the hero
in order to witness the purpose of life and death
I have purposely loved those no one loves
in order to witness the purpose of life and death

I have knelt before the Great Throne of Heaven
begging for mercy, forgiveness, peace, healing
and I have stood before the Hosts of Heaven
cursing the very day of my birth and the ways of this man

I have created all that I hate
and I have destroyed all that I love
Just in order to have authority
When the time came to Create Love
and Destroy Hate

I have taken every step
unto death
And I have embraced all things
unto Life

Tell me in some way
how this has not been true of almost anyone
who does not ignore their past?

Tell me in some way
how those who deny their life
should know life?

What do they know now
of all their forgetting and dismissal?
Who do they know now
of all they have abandoned to their worthless past?

No
I have earned my scars and my wrinkles
for they have given me the strength of a Lion
I have earned my broken heart
For it has given me the way of loving another
I have earned my falls
for they have sharpened my mind
I have earned my tears
for they have insured love everlasting
I have earned my humbling and embarrassment
for it has revealed those who love me

I have earned my losses
for they have taught me the value of all things
that ALL others deny and ignore and fear

It is the whole of my path
that I should accept each and every day
as it was
for it was mine
wether beautiful and perfect
or horrible

And no other shall ever have such a thing
as every moment of our lives
but us.

In this do we discover ourselves
and to that great mystery
of our sovereignty
or our damnation.

Ryan o0o