Creative Focus and Philosophy

It is my hope to create music, which is true to my heart. After years of trying to make it in bands and by chasing popular commercialism I had hit a bottom. My entire idea and drive was one of rock star success. We always used to talk about making it big, being rock stars with money and property and all that goes along with that lifestyle. Though many great performers have had a wonderful run within that system, it was the first bad idea I had. When I first began playing music, I just loved the music. I loved the sounds of everything from Beethoven to heavy metal. There was no question about what I needed to do. I didn’t have a conscience moment of realization. It was already apparent that music had been most important to me before I was even aware of it. And I had started off playing.

Then came the rock image idea, the idea that guitars players were cool. It was as freeing as it was a prison. The first band I was ever a part of didn’t have too lofty goals. Sure we dreamed but we still just loved to play music. It felt so good to hear the drums, bass and guitars come together in unison. Our friends would watch us practice. I loved to share my excitement about music with them.

Then came the opportunity to play in Los Angeles. Here was a chance to really try. We gave it a good effort, but something had gone terribly wrong within me about the whole mess. For 5 years I had slowly turned into a real poser. We weren’t even doing popular music but we were still trying to make it big. My focus had shifted almost completely from creating songs, which we loved, to trying to make it big. I didn’t write anything from the heart. I was too cool, even though no one knew who I was! We even had real rock stars try to help us become better musicians. I sure didn’t see the truth about the experience they were trying to share. Funny, we had glommed onto the phrase “The Big Show” and that is exactly what I became.

During those 5 years I had become a jealous, angry, pissed off jerk who couldn’t understand why we weren’t getting anywhere. All I wanted was to be a big shot you know? Everything that I loved about music got compromised while chasing that dream. I was compromised much worse then I knew at the time. The day came when it all hit the fan and my heart was no longer in the chase. I felt completely heart broken over the whole thing. It was very humbling. I had no musical focus for a long time, only focusing on outward success. It bled me dry on the inside. I left the band and Los Angeles shortly there after.

Eight years. For eight years I could not re-capture the initial love for music that I had once known. Every time I picked up a guitar, I cried. Every time I tried to play music with someone I just felt heart broken again. And again my motives were still too much on being cool and being professional and fitting in. So none of them worked. It was terrible to go so long without any creative outlet. Eventually, I was getting spiritually sicker and sicker from the lack of creativeness. I believe all people must be creative or we become sick. We must give of our talents to the world, and we must let the creative process flow through us as the tool. Eight years I did nothing musically.

During that time, there were some drastic changes within my nature though. I sought to repair the life I had lived. The goal was to become as free as a child. Never did I expect the process to be life-long. Even so, I accepted the terms. Besides, I still couldn’t play music anyway. The things that I learned about my nature were scary and freeing at the same time. Life continually teaches us. I had the time. I watched, listened, and learned. Friends came into my life again. Real friendships that are still in place today. I grew up some. Still I could not pick up the guitar without crying. There was a difference though. I could feel the warm light at the end of the tunnel. I knew that the path I was then on, would restore the love for music again. It was enough to keep moving. I remember then reaching a point where it was just a matter of time. It was both exciting and nerve racking at the same time.

My brother had always supported me musically. He tried for a long time to get me to play music with him, or write with him. Nothing seemed to work. Then one day along came some new friends. Jason and I met and we had a lot in common. He played guitar. There was more, but that was a lot to me. He would show up to my home, guitar in hand, and make me play music with him. Nervous, rusty, and totally disgusted with how much I regressed, we played anyway. And there was a feeling, a feeling that this wasn’t so bad. He was into punk rock, I was into “math rock” (as he calls it). We shouldn’t have mixed but we did anyway. It wasn’t about who was better, or who had more gear, or who was better looking. It was just two guys playing music.

Throughout those simple times my desire and need to create music returned. All the bad baggage of needing fame and fortune were gone. I just wanted to play. I could hear music in my dreams, in my mind, in the noises of the planet again. Just like when I was a child. I looked at other players with awe again. There was no need to compete anymore. There was a place for me, and it didn’t have to be at the top or the bottom. The gift is that my place IS mine. So is it for all. I remembered then that it is a duty of mine to write and to record these sounds. I had always known that, for it is what I love. And that which we love we must share. It seems that is the purpose of love and talent combined. I would listen to Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Neil Schon, Jake E. Lee and I would hear the love they put into their music. I could feel what they expressed. And they inspired me so very much. A giant weight was lifted from me.

Taking another look around I found that it was possible to start making efforts to create again. I found it wasn’t unreasonable to record an entire album of music myself. And on the inside I felt no needs to impress, only to create for the sake of that love. It does make me smile when someone tells me they like a tune of mine. Even so, I know it is not because of me that they feel that way. It is because of themselves and how they interpret music for themselves. I was just the tool. And they loved it before it even flowed through me. Or hated it, whichever the case may be. I learned that my job was to take the action of creating, and whatever came after was nothing to be too concerned with. And I love the action of writing, recording, and playing. No reward even comes close to the feeling one gets during the process of creating. It is simply something I must do. I must or my spirit dies. I believe all passionate people know what I mean.

So here it is, the first album – A Manic Moment. It comes straight from the heart. I didn’t try to make something others would want to hear. I didn’t try to be cool. I didn’t try to be commercial. I didn’t try to even avoid those things. Nothing to chase and nothing to rebel against. I just let each song write itself to the best of my ability. I tried to listen to the music. I tried to express as sincerely as possible each emotion in each tune. I wanted to set aside all requirements of others, and stay the course of purity within my form of expression. I wanted the first album to be simple. And so it is. Drums, Bass, Guitars and some voice were all that I worked with. I wanted to see if I could express each layer of a tune with just guitar. And some tunes have 17 layers of guitar. One friend told me I over did it, I explained to them that I always over do it. It is who I am. And it is what I hear. Besides, what I write is but a beginning for someone such as Steve Vai, or Beethoven.

It is my goal to stay on track with this idea. To write what I write when it comes to me. This album took 14 months to do, with 5 months off. I want to continue to create forms of music that are not rushed or hurried due to schedules or contracts or tours. The first album was important to me to be solitary. I needed to write, perform, record, engineer, and produce this myself. Afterwards I plan on working with others, adding some real vocals with real singers, bringing in piano, keyboards, horns etc. Who knows if it will work, but it is fun to share this with others. It is also a goal of mine to express music other then just guitar rock. I have whole symphonies waving around on the inside. It would be an honor for me, to one day write an entire classical album with a full orchestra. It is also a great joy to help others with their music. We shall see where it all goes.

It is only important that it is expressed. I do not need to be famous or rich or glorified. I feel the need to make music, and to make it available to others. That is the whole focus. My friends and family will know the mark I had left to them when my time comes and that in itself is more then I could have imagined before. If people want this noise I make then that would be wonderful. I am not opposed to success on a worldly level, so long as I remember to create as a child does. Children create for the sole purpose of loving to do so. I love music. I am very thankful that we have 12 simple notes that can hit every possible human emotion. Imagine how many notes there actually are!

So this today is my focus with Music. It was once before when I was young, and it is again. We all know plans can go astray, but my plan is pretty simple. I want to do 26 albums, one for every letter of the alphabet and in order. If for some reason I am not dead yet when that is finished then there will be more. Each album will hopefully be slightly different then the previous. The Second album “Beautiful Women” will be a bit more acoustic in nature and slower. That is at least the plan. My brother says that I have a particular style of playing and even though the music will change he will always know I was performing it. I only know that anything I share will be a piece of work I am pleased with. It must come from the heart, or it just isn’t any fun. That is the promise I made to myself, to have fun.

Thank you for reading all this.

Ryan Scott Ranney

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